My Two Dads

(courtesy of Netflix)

While my situation is completely different than the short-lived series, I feel like this is an accurate representation of my family.

My mom and dad divorced when I was three.  Honestly, it probably couldn't have happened at a better time as I have no recollection of the fighting and I wasn't hung up on the fact that my parents might get back together (as they shouldn't have!).

My mom met my "step-dad" when I was almost 4.  I hate the word step-dad but I am going to use it for clarification purposes.  At the time, he was my "friend."  Not my mom's boyfriend, but MY 22 year-old grown-up friend.  (When I look back now, I can't really imagine taking in someone else's kid as my own at 22 years of age.  I know I'm not that much older, but it still baffles me about how it was a non-issue for my S-D.)

As per the divorce/custody agreement, I would spend every other weekend with my Dad at his home in Topeka (an hour drive from Manhattan).

"Helping" out my dad (Age 2) / Personal photo

Growing up, I never really got to know my Dad.  I would spend the drive with him in the car and then we would usually go to Chuck E. Cheeses on Saturday or Sunday.  I remember spending some time at his shop (he owned his own mobile/car electronics business) and we would go out to dinner.  Despite that we spent time together, I never really learned how to talk to my dad.  We struggle to hold conversations to this day.

On the other hand, my S-D is the complete opposite.  At the time that my little brother was born (I was 8), my S-D was the one that stayed home with us.  He taught me everything I know about sports (although I'm extremely uncoordinated) and spent hours upon hours coaching my softball teams and shuffling me around.  My S-D was the one that, with my mom, bought me new clothes, paid my doctor bills, paid for half of my first car and all of my college tuition.  I have always been his daughter in his eyes and there was never a bit of difference between me and my little brother.

My S-D and I in our Tee-Ball shirts (Age 6) / Personal Photo

Check out that hot pink room! 

So when the wedding topic came up, I had a decision to make.  Who is going to play the father role?  Who is going to walk me down the aisle?  Who is going to dance with me when they play the Father-Daughter dance?  Tough cookies.

Well, the answer is...BOTH.  While I don't think I could exclude my Dad from those honors, I knew that my S-D deserved them.  So I am going to be a double-father toting bride and have two father-daughter dances.

Just like Gossip Girl.  

(courtesy of TVFanatic)

In the spectrum of things, the decision-making was easy.  Breaking the news to my Dad was another story.

A couple of weeks ago, I drove up to Topeka to do some shopping.  Dad and I met up at Applebee's to have some lunch.  My actual motive was to discuss the wedding budget with him and whether or not he would be willing to contribute (BUT we didn't exactly get there as the conversation turned sour).  We talked about work and how we were both ready for summer.  As the conversation started to die out after about 10 minutes, I changed the subject onto the wedding.  Adam and I were about to put down the deposits on the ceremony and reception venues and I wanted to make sure our date would work for him.  After he said that day was fine for him (who really has plans for summer of 2013 yet anyway?) then next thing he asks is,

"Do I get to give you away?"

"Well, I hope you don't take offense to this but I would like Curt to be there too, to have the both of you walk me down the aisle.  He's played a big part of my life and I think he deserves to be there too.

Silence...as Dad stares into his plate of food.


More silence.  Ahhh the silence!


"I hope that is okay.  Is that something you're going to be okay with?"

"Well, it's your day and I figured that you might say that.  I would have been upset if I couldn't be up there."

YIKES.  Take awkward (but normal) Lindsy-Dad time and add a twist.  I decided to nix the budget conversation thinking that might be in bad taste!  Conversation resumed to a semi-normal rate after that and by the end of our meal I think things were okay.  I haven't talked to him since (it's probably been 3 weeks, but we will go months without calling each other).

On the bright side, I have one conversation that I wasn't looking forward to out of the way.  While I know that it probably breaks my Dad's heart to feel like there was someone else that filled his role throughout the majority of my life, I can't ignore the fact that it was my S-D that did it.  My S-D did it willingly, with no questions asked, because he WANTED to.

Has anyone else had to make similar decisions when it came to wedding planning?